So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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