I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
