How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
