I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
