So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
