WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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