hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well I just put wine in my tea
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize