i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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