I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
