And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
