i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
