"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
