Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
