do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
