a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
