You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
