I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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