Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
