you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
