this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
