know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
