Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
