Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
This house was built for laser tag.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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