On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
