she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
