my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
