i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
