Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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