Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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