This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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