you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
