does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
