I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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