I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
