speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
