Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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