We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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