I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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