so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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