guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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