yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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