Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
