Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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