i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
