you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
