Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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