I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
