I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
