I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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