so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
