Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
