The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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